Dear Lord,

Now that I am old(er) I am ask­ing only this.
Please do not give me any more of a tur­tle neck then I already have.
Give me vision to see when I pick out my clothes that they are nei­ther plaid nor checked.
Give me a blad­der made of iron and a con­sti­tu­tion that flows like a river.
Please snap my mouth shut if I even think, when peo­ple ask how I am, of dis­cussing my aches, pains, eat­ing habits or elim­i­na­tion prob­lems.
Give me the strength to go up and down the stairs, up and down from the bed and up and down from a chair with­out creak­ing or groan­ing.
Please give me a palette for spicy foods and a libido just as spicy, and a man up to the task.
Please let me keep my orig­i­nal teeth, skin and bo—…well, as much of that as you can
Please do not let my butt dis­ap­pear so the crotch of my stretch pants hangs to my knees.
Please make every­one think the liver spots are freck­les.
Please stop me from for­get­ting.
And…gosh..what was that other thing? Oh…give my kids the strength to put up with all of the above should you not care to lis­ten to the mean­der­ings of an old lady. Thank-you. Amen.